As promised dearies, some stuff what I wrote. An article from my Journalism module a few months back. Incidentally it was intended for a blog-type audience so…if it doesn’t pull off well here, I’ve just graduated into completely useless. I wish my nerdy rants were as beautifully articulate as the wordsmith above (comic actor and writer, David Mitchell):
Death of the Hangover: When Science goes too far
In the last month, scientists in Korea have created an alcoholic drink that promises to eliminate the dreaded morning-after effects of booze. The secret? Just add oxygen.
While the usual tipple is infused with carbon dioxide which actually prevents the breakdown of alcohol, the addition of oxygenated bubbles to any alcoholic beverage can actually speed up the sobering period without reducing the strength or joyous effects of the drink.
Professor Kwang-il Kwon, of Chungnam National University in Korea has revealed,
‘This could provide both clinical and real-life significance.’
I bet. This is brilliant news for students and every second human being the world over. But it’s the worst news I’ve had all year. A bizarre revelation perhaps, considering I am that despicable creature of the night…a student.
I have tried and failed (miserably) to appreciate the apparent wonders of booze only to conclude that Toilet Duck has a more sumptuous aroma.
During my first year at university, I was presented with more than enough opportunities to convert to the stuff. All useless. If taste-buds have a part-time job, mine are relentless bouncers of a strictly V.I.P digestive system.
To be social, nevertheless, I accepted everything from Bacardi Breezers to Apple vodka shots. The latter was the clincher. Costing near to a fiver for 3 measly millilitres of green liquid, I thought it ungracious to refuse.
In the brief moment of consumption, I could feel miniature daggers making their way down my throat. What is supposedly labelled ‘a good time’ left me with a bizarre craving for Mr Muscle and iron filings in a bid to get rid of the taste.
Clearly, I am in the minority. And for the willing volunteers at Chungnam University, the experiment must have been an unforgettable one. (Literally, thanks to the short sobering periods).
The researchers fed the volunteers alcoholic drinks containing different levels of oxygen and timed how long it took for each individual to sober up.
As you would imagine, the more oxygenated-drinks of the lot radically reduced the time it took for alcohol to leave their bodies, reaching sobriety 20 percent faster than if they were to consume a regular alcoholic drink. I don’t envy the caretaker of that particular lab.
Self-indulgent rant aside, surely the regular drinkers among us can see where this horrific scientific breakthrough is headed? Without scientific help, alcohol abuse is already at an all-time high and if the addition of oxygen causes us to sober up more quickly, people will be looking to have another drink and another just to attain the desired buzz.
Soon people will have mini parties at work in the lunch break, in the car sitting in traffic or even while doing the weekend shop.
If unleashed on the UK market, this will slowly but surely produce a nation of short-term drunks, hell-bent on making mundane tasks seem that little bit hilarious. Don’t fancy mowing the grass? Do it completely sloshed.
Today, Scientific progression, we must go our separate ways.